In the past few weeks I have been focusing heavily on the future. I have been revising my brand, my workflow and really putting all of my time and energy into improving the experience I give to future clients. In the midst of this, I have come to a realisation. Having a business of my own, as invigorating and wonderful as it is, is hard. I have had to struggle and continue to struggle as I try and learn things that just are not a part of my nature. I am having to force myself to be organised, I am trying to manage my time better, I am having to learn to email, to correspond, to make records and to educate. At the same time, I am having to learn how to refine my art and find exactly what my art is supposed to be and how it is supposed to be perceived. I spend hours of my day reading and researching and learning at the same time as doing my dishes and cooking my husband's dinner. I watch the same videos over and over until my brain is filled with only that information. At this point, I find myself asking myself why. Why do I do this? I am so exhausted both mentally and physically. But the reason is this. Love.
A couple of weeks ago, I was second shooting a wedding with the amazing Nicola Gough and as I stood by the isle watching the bride float towards me in all her elegance and love and excitement, I began to tear up. I was overwhelmed with a combination of connection with the bride, remembering the way I felt at that very moment one year previously, and connection with my camera. It was in that moment that I heard that voice in my head saying 'This is my calling. This is my world. I absolutely love my job.'
The reason I am writing this today is because I hear so many people saying things like 'I wish I could have my own business' 'I wish I could be a photographer' 'I wish I could have a creative outlet'. The reason I am writing this today is because actually, you can. There is nothing stopping you but yourself. Whatever it is that is your passion, your world, grow it, nurture it and there is nothing stopping you from making your dreams a reality. Being British, we have this problem with not being 'too cheesy', or frankly, too optimistic. I feel quite nervous actually posting this because I know that there are going to be some people rolling their eyes because they think I am being melodramatic. But for anybody who is reading through this thinking 'I wish I could.' I am living evidence that you can. I want to encourage you to take that step and to find something you love and pursue it. Nothing is easy and nothing is all roses but believe me, I'd take a bunch of roses once a month over no roses at all.